A Taste of Joie

damn you nostalgia!!

2009-11-09T05:28:36Z

I love Glee...but it's making me think too much about high school and choir. All the things I did and all of the things I could have done. But high school is over and I'll never be that person again. too many responsibilities, too much stuff going on. Yet all I want to do is go to choir, sing with my friends, drink lots of mountain dew, and get slammed up against the wall only to be let go, dazed and kiss-bruised.

Ah, high school.

I even miss the drama. Choir had a lot of drama. In college...even though we're with the same people in the same classes for two years, there really isn't any drama at all. It's nice that everyone has each other's backs but at the same time I'm hankering for some excitement! Even the people who caused annoyance have flunked out.

And being plagued by the what ifs doesn't help either.

*el sigh*

I always thought about my future. College. A career. But nothing quite went as planned and now I'm just lost in the shuffle...and I need a fuckign job.

emo rant of me bitching

2009-11-07T06:53:49Z

My head just went to an ugly place today.

The day didn't start out too bad. Woke up, had to go get credit card, fell back asleep. Woke up again at a much more reasonable hour. Took the dog out and played with him until it was time to go have lunch with Niki. We had lunch and then I had to go to school to take care of the lab animals and then off to work.

It was some time between the middle of lab animal care and the drive to work when it happened. The ugliness, I mean. It snuck over me like a sky getting cloudy and you look up because your face is suddenly wet. Part of it, I believe, was just going to work. I don't even think I'm overreacting by saying that it's eating my soul. I go into that damn building everyday and just feel a weight pressing down on me until I leave. But even then it's not really gone because I know I'll be back the next day. There is just not one redeeming quality about that place. Even the people. I like two people on the entire staff. Oh, I'm sorry, three. One just comes in and washes dishes. One is just such a fast worker that when I close with him (or even when he opens comparitively to anyone else) I'm out a lot quicker. Getting me out is worth about five million brownie points. The third guy is kind of really an asshole but I like him anyways. There...the three out of twenty people I like. It's just sad, really...And every single damn customer that walks through that door I just want to punch in the face. My manager was super hyper today and I was just out of it and thinking dark angry emo thoughts. If she came up to me and bubbly asked how it was going or told me what to do one more time I was going to take the pizza cutter and...well...better not even threaten online.

I think part of it is just the neverending job search really is neverending. i can't find any vet places that are within reasonable distance that's hiring. Even opening up my job search to include places non-animal related and I can't find anything that's not food. McDonalds is hiring but why would I want to go from one fast food joint to another? I didn't want to start with food in the first place. Food is definitely gross. That and damn I have gained some fucking weight.

Part of it is my hand...I mean I knew that I would eventually have issues with it, but with the carpal tunnel, I know I can't work forever. Maybe not even long enough to save up enough money to go back to school. So now I have to go talk to someone about where would be best to go to teach and what classes to take. Then there's money!! To do that, to go to school next semester, to get gas, to get jazz's blanket, to do Christmas, to take maui (and jazz) to the vet, to pay the phone, to get groceries, and to help out with the rest of the bills. Shit. Just fucking shit.

I'm feeling pressured...pressured to do well and to work hard and to make shit tons of money so we don't get kicked out of the house or whatever. I'm not used to worrying about money this badly. I know Niki is and I don't think that she should be all the time. But even last year it wasn't this bad. We were tight, but we never had our power turned off, or the gas. Just the phones. now it's been all three and two cars. Jeez.....I'm trying to think what's so different....mostly Laura had more medical issues. I haven't been getting as many hours. School's more expensive. Gas is just a bit cheaper. work is further away.

I thought writing it all down and getting it out of my head would make me feel better but so far it hasn't, really. Just makes the outcome seem even darker.

I'm fighting the urge to do something wild and reckless. everyone once in awhile I get in these moods and I just want to do something. I want to go out and just have fun. Some wild, messy, reckless, insane just plain fun. Something danger-esque. Like the time Dan, someone (I don't think it was Rachael but it may have been), and I went to the JCC at two thirty and nearly got caught by their security officers. I mean, that was fun partly because It was time with my friends and partly because it was just plain exciting.

Sometimes I feel like because of all the activities I've been part of and the going straight to work and school full time, I've missed out on some really fun things. Then again, it's just not part of my personality to go out, drink, dance, and fuck. Well, the fucking. But even that, lately...well...let's just say i'm eating ice cream right now.

I'm not even that sleep deprived and yet I'm so tired. *yawns* Maybe I'll wake up and it'll all be better.
s

pic meme

2009-08-17T04:38:08Z

I has a picture meme that I stole from nikita_cheri111 . Comment and I'll give you a person to do!

1.) Choose a picture of the funniest face on your person.

2.) Show me your person eating.
Well...blood is still eating, right?
art by IshiKitsune on DA

3.) Choose a picture of your person with an animal.
Gluttony soooo counts as an animal. He follows her around like a pet.

4.) Choose a picture of your person with the opposite sex.
Whoo lust/scar by crashhappy on DA

5.) Choose a picture of where you would have sex with this person.
Where wouldn't I? Eh, here's her on a very sexable bed. Art by Kitty_cat_angle on DA.

6.) Choose a picture of your favorite outfit of this person.
She looks good in green.

7.) Choose a picture of your person smiling.
I couldn't resist...

8.) Choose a picture of your person half/naked.

9.) Choose a picture of your person doing an outdoor activity.
she's outside...

10.) Choose your favorite picture of your person.
I just really like her style...again by crashhappy on DA.

Whoo hooo I'm done!

Comment!

AkuRoku Day!!

2009-08-14T05:37:22Z

Wow I am such a horrible fan girl!! The only character that I've ever fallen hard for and I miss his (their) day!! *head desk*

Yesterday, now, was AkuRoku day and yaaay celebrating their love!! You know I didn't even realize they had a day until about last January when I was randomly looking for some smexy fanart to have as my desktop. (yes, with credit....well sort of...I don't have the artist's screen name on my desktop but it's the name of the file) And then I saw all of these things on DA telling me to have a happy akuroku day...and I was confused. I was more confused because I couldn't figure out why August thirteenth had to be the day.

It took me a very long time to realize that Axel is the eighth member and Roxas is thirteenth so together...8/13

So I just had to make a post about it.

Oh, yeah, so I almost burned down Little Caesars today.

I worked at a different store today because I whore myself out to get more hours. I worked at one that's actually just down the street from my house opposed to the 20 minute drive to my Usual Store. So I'm there and at my store we have Cres Cors (giant metal boxes that you put the pizzas in, keeping them warm and fresher) and they just have two shelving units with heaters on them. Think really big space heater. Well I'm brilliant and I stack four boxes on top of each other on these shelves. do you know how many are normally supposed to be kept like that? TWO.

So I'm going along, doing my thing, when I smell smoke. I check the oven but nothing is backed up. I look around, look outside, then ask my employees if they smell anything burning. They do. But they were in the back so I just shrug it off. Until one of them comes up front, takes one look at my nice little stack of cheese pizzas, and of course completely flips the fuck out. We very gingerly take the box off of the heater, which of course flickers to flames as soon as we let some air in between that and the heater. We put it on the floor and she goes and grabs a pitcher of water and dumps it on the box.

Damn, it would have been the perfect opportunity to use those fire extinguishers. I've always wanted to try it out. There's prolly paperwork that goes along with it though.

Oh, yeah, did I mention there were customers in the lobby the entire time??

Maybe I shouldn't transfer there....

the internet is for icons...

2009-08-11T06:42:35Z

So playing on my lappy with my girlfriend nikita_cheri111 , who's been staying up to ungodly hours for the last almost three weeks now (wow time flies when you aren't doing anything but sleep and work) reading and writing ~~porn~~ fanfiction. I've been having her read me stuff and watching movies before droping off to sleep generally about two am.

It's two thirty now and I'm wide awake...and you know what? I kind of like it Mostly I've been looking up stuff for a color thingie-ma-bob that she's making me for ROXAS!!!

I finished playing KH2 in June(?) and started playing one again but haven't had a lot of time so... but I missed Roxas. I lurves him hardcore. I'm really not as big of a fangirl as either one of the roomies but damns I lurves me some Roxas. So in my search for Roxas-y icons I stumbled across synnesai and ganked a couple of her icons (yes I credited!!) and....I made her my lj friend. Which is a big deal for me. I'm a self-proclaimed lurker. I have four friends on lj and I know them all personally...so I made her my friend and am excited at it and kind of sad at my poor pathetic little social life. But I have amazering icons so it's okay.

*goes back to searching for more Roxas fun*

Oh and I apologize in advance if any of the html doesn't work. *just lost virginity, not sure if had orgasm* Edit: Oh....I wasn't in html form I was in rich text...heehe Edit Again: DAMNS I CAN'T DO HTML FOR SHITE!! Edit one more time: okay here we go...I DID IT!!! *dances*

in the doghouse

2009-08-09T05:44:44Z

Today has been a very long day and it's not even over yet. I had to get up this morning for some stupid store meeting and it was raining. I really hate driving in the rain. That and sleeping during a thunderstom (especially a summer one) is probably one of the nicest sleep experiences ever. I didn't even get to bed til three in the morning because I didn't get home until one thirty because I had to work til one (I was ready to go at 12:20 but we had to FOLD FUCKING BOXES ((and the manager there complains about always being over labor)) and then shower and dinner and winding down enough to sleep....and then just as we're getting ready for bed (together for once) she drops a bomb on me. She wants to get rid of the dog.

Now, we haven't had the dog for very long. Just since April. We got him as a seven month labrador/golden retriever mix. And he's a terror. He's huge, doesn't know it, and chews on everything. I think she's had it the worst. He gnawed off her laptop bag strap and ate a corner of the couch. He also used to urinate when he got excited (he doesn't do that anymore, or at least he hasn't in the last month). When he's outside he digs holes and he eats the flowers. If he gets off his chain he doens't come when you call. All in all I have a lot of training to do. oh, and those holes he's dug, well, people step in them. Niki's fallen in two of them. So she's hurt which makes her cranky which makes me cranky. Today it poured all day so of course when the dog had to go outside he got wet and thus smelled like wet dog. I had to get up uber early and was just slow getting going so I didn't take him out before I left. Niki's mom took him out and opened the garage for him so he could have shelter from the rain. This was a horrible idea. Maui gets into things if you aren't watching so the open garage for him was like an invitation for bad behavior. He got himself wrapped around the garden cart and slipped his collar. Luckily Lisa was looking and he came to her. I don't know...I don't understand how you can be mad at him for being wet from going outside in the rain if you're the one who put him out.

I've never had a dog before, which is one of the reasons why I was so excited to get Maui. Now, he isn't even the kind of dog I really wanted. I wanted something a lot smaller and a herding dog, not a retriever/hunting dog. My family has had labs before and although they're good dogs, they can be a handful and they run away. Which is my main training problem. I can get him to listen to me in the house. But outside off the leash? Forget it. What I need to do is enroll in some dog training classes but they're fucking expensive (the cheapest one I've found so far is $120) and I can't even afford school. I'm going to have to go beg money from the parents for that. Besides, I'm not going to spend the cash if I can't even keep the damned dog.

She suggested that we find someone to semi-permanantly dog-sit. Like Lisa's cat. Lisa hasn't seen her cat in about three years and probably won't ever again. She's not really friends with the person who took said cat and I can't really see any of us moving out and seperate in the near future. Niki said maybe we can see about getting him back at the end of the school year, when I'll have more time. Or see about getting a less active breed. Somehow it just seems wrong to me to plan to get another dog after getting rid of one.

I really don't want to fight about this. Nor do I want to give up my dog. But I still want to keep living here. And dating her. *sighs*

At least I can sleep in tomorrow.

A bit delayed but....

2009-08-07T02:59:12Z

So this is my five questions meme that I've finally gotten around to turning on the lappy and doing. Got my questions from nikita_cheri111 .

1)Aside from Sea World where is your dream vacation? In the country and out of it.

SEA WORLD!!! Uhmm...okay so dream vacation in the US...I'd say we'd go somewhere like cali...though donkey riding down the grand canyon sounds like fun too...Out of it most definitely a world wide cruise...or that riding vacation in Ireland *sparkles*

2)Of what anime you have actually seen, what is your favorite?

I really did like FMA a lot. That was addicting. And Gravitation...and Saiyuki I think are my favorites. After that I'd say Bleach.

3)Since we know your one and only bishonen would be Roxas, who would your heroine?

You know I lurve me some Roxas. *huggles imaginary plushie* ((as an aside...can I has a plushie?)) hmmm....unfortunately we spend a lot of time female bashing...But I'd say Michiru and Haruka from Sailor Moon...oh the many youtube videos I watched. From something more mainstream then Elfie from Wicked.

4)Favorite animated movie of all time? Favorite live action movie of all time?

I'm going to have to go with two childhood favorites here. The animated would be The Lion King and live action would be Free Willy. Though as of late there is Tenth Kingdom and LOTR and POTC battling for dominancy.

5)If you had to sacrifice one of your past times which would it be? Reading or singing?

Singing. As much as it pains me not to be as annoying as possible...I lurve my reading waaaay too much.

Ten Things Meme

2009-07-24T18:34:22Z

No work inspires lots of time to do memes my roomie gives me!!

Ten Things I Want to Say to Ten Different People

1.) I work so much harder than you do and just because you know how to suck up to the boss doesn’t mean that you should. So I QUIT!!

2.) *punches in the face* No. That is about the rudest thing I’ve ever heard. Do I go into your place of work and disrespect your position? If you think it’s a gross pizza, why the fuck are you there??

3.) I’m living (and in love with) a girl. Get over it and please stop looking at me like I killed your daughter.

4.) I know mom hurt you horribly, and I know that you thought it was together forever but it’s not. So get out of the bottle and into the night, find yourself a girl, and clean up the cat’s litter box. It’s gross. I love you.

5.) I wish I was a big enough person to just forgive and forget but I’m not. If you ever apologized, I would forgive you. But only one of you has ever even cared enough to and that was only after you bet my ex-boyfriend that I didn’t remember. It was almost seven years of my life. How could I forget? I hope you remember too.

6.) I wish you wouldn’t hurt yourself so much. I hate all of your broken bits. It hurts me to watch you in pain, and not just because it means a dry spell for me. You know I love you because I tell you all the time, I just wish you didn’t hurt so much.

7.) I’m sorry I’m so obnoxious. I don’t mean to be. I really enjoy having you for a friend, even if I don’t act like it all the time. *huggles*

8.) I MISS YOU SO MUCH!! We need to hang out more! I know I’ve said it before, but you meant so much to me in high school and I can only hope that I’ve been a good a friend to you as you have to me.

9.) I am so sorry that I never really got a chance to get to know you. We never had enough time together, but I wouldn’t trade the time we did have for anything.

10.) Education is supposed to be something that everyone should have the opportunity to receive. How are we supposed to better ourselves, to get a good job, to be active member of society, if we can’t pay for college? It’s so messed up that you need a four year degree just to be the manager of the Meijer gas station, doing nothing that you went for school for. Be in all that debt just to carry on in some dead end job? *glares*

Nine Things About Myself

1.) I am a nymphomaniac. Seriously.

2.) I am tempted by alcohol more than I care to admit, which is why I’ve never taken up drinking.

3.) I think that cheating on someone is one of the most horrible things you could ever do and I just don’t understand it.

4.) ((please don’t take this the wrong way)) I don’t see as much yaoi in FMA as most people do. When I first watched the series, it was good enough to stand alone. There wasn’t really much of a love angle on the series anyway, so it took me a bit to get into the fanfiction bit of it.

5.) You know I’m comfortable with you when I don’t shave my legs.

6.) I have a very unique mind. I have this sort of comfort bubble that I can wrap around myself that allows me to do/see/read/whatever things that I don’t actually like and it enables me to look past it. For example, I don’t like anal sex. I’ll probably never actually try it. It kinda squicks me. Yet I read (and write occasionally) gay porn and generally don’t find it gross. *still not a huge fan of rimming*

7.) I didn’t realize I was bisexual because I didn’t know everyone wasn’t bisexual. (until I got to middle school…which is a much more sexually deviant place than high school I found)

8.) I sometimes say things to anger people because I’m an attention whore. Generally I feel bad about it directly afterwards. Sometimes I don’t and then I’m very mad at myself for not feeling bad.

9.) Generally I’m very happy with my appearance. If I could change one thing it would be the hair. Part of that is my inherent lazyness…why does hair have to be so damn difficult? I think because my hair is so blah is why I like other people’s so much.

Eight Ways to Win my Heart

1.) Surprise me with ice cream and sprinkles.

2.) Sing to me…not something on stage (though that would be awesome), but just something quiet and sweet into my ear so that I can feel your breath with each note.

3.) Kiss me deeply and often.

4.) For every relationship, at about the three month mark I freak out. I’m insecure, I want to know where this is going…my emotions go incredibly insane. Just be there for me until I get over it.

5.) Give me cute things preferably of the living, breathing (barking?) variety.

6.) Find the balance of making me a better person without trying to change who I am.

7.) Write something for me. I’ll save it and look at if often. And when it’s over I’ll know it wasn’t a dream.

8.) Don’t leave me.

Seven Things that Cross my Mind a lot

1.) Sex.

2.) *insert random melody or song here*

3.) He/she/it is such an idiot!! GRRTAG!!

4.) I’m thirsty.

5.) Pretty. *nuzzes*

6.) *insert snippet of book here*

7.) People should have to take a multi-modal intelligence/personality test before they should be allowed to breed. And one of the components should be how to use a self-scan machine. It’s a scale don’t fucking sit on it!!

Six Things I Do Before Going to Sleep

1.) Take Maui outside.

2.) Go to the bathroom.

3.) Put Maui in his crate.

4.) Turn off the light and get into bed.

5.) Kiss lovey goodnight. Talk to her until one of us falls asleep.

6.) Pray.

Five People Who Mean A Lot

1.) Lovey

2.) La Lisa

3.) Dad

4.) Rachael

5.) Maui, Jazz, and Bunny Bunny (aka Stuart)

Four Things I’m Wearing Right Now

1.) Red pajama pants.

2.) Rainbow star panties. (yes I did check)

3.) Pink tank top.

4.) Glasses.

Three Songs I Listen to Often

1.) I’m Yours—Jason Mraz

2.) The entire Wicked soundtrack.

3.) If Today Was Your Last Day—Nickelback. If only because when lovey first heard “leave old pictures in the past” she thought it was “emo bitches in the past”.

Two Things I Want to do Before I Die

1.) Travel the world over. See all of it and learn from it.

2.) Live and love as happily as I can.

One Confession

I’m not as honest as I say I am, as I try to be. I generally want more honesty than I give. Sometimes I think I grew up with so many little white lies that they have woven a blanket that I sleep in. So that sometimes I can be blunt and honest and sometimes I couldn’t find the truth with Veritaserum.

elixir_of_joie @ 2009-07-18T11:36:00

2009-07-18T15:38:45Z

Letter meme!nikita_cheri111 gave me "G"

1) Gingers---Oh my smexy redheads everywhere, I lurve you guys *glomps* (except for orange hair...not a fan of orange anyways)

2) Gypsy Vanners---Prettiest of all ponies!

3.) oh my little gay boys! or girls either one....

4.) Girls! (seems pretty obvious now)

5.) Glinda (or Galinda) from Wicked...True I don't like dumb blondes but I do lurve her so. She and Elfie are cute.

6.) Groping people! One of my favorite activities. It's even in my hobby spot on livejournal. Seriously.

7.) Gundam Wing

8.) GOJYO!!! *feels bad it took me so long to think of him* He's so pretty *pets the hair*

9.) Geysers--water is niftay

10.) The Goo Goo Dolls--Iris is one of my favorite songs

prostitute meme

2009-07-02T01:23:16Z

I stoled this from nikita_cheri111
Natural Hair Color:
[x NOT BLONDE!! ] Brown - $100
[ ] Blonde - $50
[ ] Black - $15
[ ] Bald - $5
[ ] Other-$75

$100

Eye Color:
[ ] Brown - $1
[ ] Green - $75
[x ] Blue $50
[] Hazel $100
[ ] Other - $15

$150
Height:
[ ] Over 7' - $200
[ ] 6'8" to 7' - $175
[ ] 6'0" to 6'7" - $150
[X] 5'5" to 5'11" - $75
[ ]4'9" to 5'4" - $45
[ ] Under 4'9 - $45

$250

Age:
[ ] 31 to 40 - $100
[ ] 26 to 30 - $75
[ ] 21 to 25 - $50
[x ] 19 to 20 - $25
[ ] 0 to 18 - $100

$275

Birth Order:
[ ] Twins or more than twins - $300
[ ] First Born - $300
[ ] Only Child - $250
[x ] second born - $150
[ ] Middle child-$100
[ ] Last Born - $100
[ ] third born - $100
[ ] fourth born - $100
[ ] fifth born - $100

$425

Drink?
[x ] No - $400
[ ] Only Holidays - $250
[ ] Sometimes - $215
[ ] YES - $200
[ ] Only weekends - $350
[ ] Every other day - $50
[ ] Once a day - $15
[ ] I live from the bottle -$Bankrupt$

$825
Vision?
[ ] Perfect vision -$300
[ ] Need or have glasses/contacts but don't wear them - $200
[ ] No correction - $100
[x ] Glasses - $50
[ ] Contacts - $25
[ ] Surgical correction - $1

$875

Car(s) Color:
[ ] Pink - $2,000
[ ] Maroon - $800
[ ] Gold - $700
[ ] Gray - $600
[ ] Blue - $900
[ ] Obsdian - $800
[ ] White - $475
[ ] Red - $400
[ ] Green- $350
[x ] Silver $300
[ ] Purple- $250
[ ] Metallic - $200
[ ] Yellow - $100
[ ] Primer - $75
[ ] Tan- $20
[ Rusted - $15
[ ] No Car - $0
[ ] Other - $ 50

$1175
Shoe Size:
[ ] 13+ - $300
[ ]12.5 to 13 - $250
[] 11 to 12 - $700
[x ] 7 to 10 - $500
[ ] Under 7- $550

$1675
Favorite Color:
[ ] Black - $450
[ ] Green - $750
[] Red - $600
[ ] Yellow -$475
[ ] Brown - $50
[ ] Purple - $225
[ ] White - $400
[ x ] Aqua - $350
[ ] Orange - $300
[ ] Blue - $300
[ ] Pink - $100

$2025
Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
[ ] Yes - $0
[X I did it by hand...that counts] no- $1000
[ ] on some - $550

$3025

My lovey beats me by 600 dollars! Someone help me make up the difference? *lecherous grin*

Oh, livejournal...it has been so long...and yet...it seems not

2009-07-02T01:06:41Z

Seeing as on my day off I decided to do nothing but waste it sitting on my ass (it is raining so outside activities wouldn't be very much fun, I say to myself as an excuse), I'm now watching the world music awards from 2006. They're having some kind of tribute thang for Michael Jackson, seeing as it was one of his last big TV appearances before he died. And seeing as I just made a new email/livejournal account (I used to be aquarious713), I had all of my old emails forwarded and was looking through some of them. And a lot of them were actually from 2006, though a few before. It got me thinking....it's been three and a half years since 2006....That's a decent amount of time...and yet....it doesn't seem as it's been that long.

Even on the music scene things are like that...though I never did pay much attention to things like that. EWWWW pop culture....But that one song by Pink, and James Blunt, and Shakira were all popular back then....and for me at least James Blunt seems like a new thing, and that song by Pink. Shakira seems to have dropped off the face of the earth (which for me is disappointing because of the Spanish and damns her ass)....still it seems strange to me.

There is, of course, always Niki. Three years ago I was forced to break her heart....to put us both through so much pain. I do betimes wonder if I did the right thing. I think I'll always wonder if the pain could have been avoided if I had stood up to my mother in the first place instead of caving. If I had brought our relationship out into the open in the first place. Certainly the lies could have been avoided and it put a blight on my soul to be that dishonest. To know that I really could...because of course I knew that I had the ability to lie. Every child can and does. But it is different to lie to avoid trouble than to lie about yourself, your love. It makes it easier to do it again. And not just about Niki. There are times when I'm talking to someone I don't know and they ask me something I'm uncomfortable about and I lie without even thinking about it. Then I either blink and laugh it off, telling them the truth, or I stick with it, trying to get out of the conversation so I can think. It hurts to know I'm even capable of that. I don't think I ever wanted to know that.

Still...I do try to live my life without regrets. But how can I help speculating on what might have been? Ah! It drives me insane.

WARNING: GROSS PARENTAL DETAILS AHEAD!!

Then there's my dad...my poor besotted drunken lonely father. As much as I would rather not say it because that would mean my nonexistance, the man would have been much better off without ever meeting her again. He admits it, that he should have run after the first time they had sex, when all she did was lay there and he felt kind of dirty. That, and she'd been married once and already had a kid...not to mention that when he fucking bought her a house (she was "saving" for their mortgage or furniture or who knows what else) and she moved her junk into it there were dirty pots and pans with food crusting on them for years. And then she randomly became a tigress in bed and he proposed (before or after the great sex I'm not sure). She became pregnant with me and she actually asked him if he wanted her to have an abortion...this was a month before their wedding....of course he didn't want to. She even made him join her church and go to fucking marriage counseling without her. (I think he said that she was working but she wasn't? or something?) They got married and his best man even told him that he didn't have to do this, but they were there and she was walking down the aisle, and he married her anyways. They didn't even have sex on their wedding night...I'm sorry but there are just some nights that you do it no matter what...in fact they didn't even do anything on their honey moon. This was all before my mother got sick. She had some major thyroid issues, which messes with your hormones and can make you do some crazy shit. No one really talks about what she was like then, save that she sent my older brother outside in the middle of winter clad in nothing but a diaper way too small for him. (he was about seven) Then they decided around to get a divorce...but Februrary of that year they made up enough to go on a vacation together to Florida and make Fluffy...they came back and mom signed the papers. Dad, baka, had thought they were going to get back together. She played him hard and she fucking won...and it hurts because utnil recent years I had no idea of the hell he let her put him through. It's not all her fault...Dad just can't stay away. He's arrogant and thinks he knows everything. Thinks he's the most handsomest funny guy in the world. He dated a woman after mom, Renee. She was the shit. Gorgeous, with pale skin and long black hair. She laughed a lot. She had a great laugh. She took care of his house because until then he didn't care. Renee called me pigpen because I'm so messy. I didn't know this, but they were pretty much engaged. And then dad fucked it up. I didn't know this, but he'd been laid off of work and had been drinking. Then he went to pick me up (he still wasn't really allowed to see Fluffy) but I was at Billy's baseball game. He stayed to watch, talking and drinking with Mom. She offered to get ice cream and we all went home. She actually bought him beer. I think one of the only things I picked up from my mom that I'm proud to have is her aversion to alcohol...I won't abide by drunks either. They put us to bed...and then they went there too, only they didn't sleep. Dad was drunk and he loves her still, though now he hates her more. I think for that night more than anything else. He sobered up as soon as he came, went home and told Renee. She stayed with him for a bit...but in the end she couldn't stand it, couldn't trust him. I don't blame her, though he does a bit. I wouldn't have stayed either. At least he had the balls to tell her. Dad had a date with her recently and he screwed it up again...she was nervous and he mentioned it...never did know when to keep his mouth shut. then he called her and during the course of her conversation I think he said she was fat. Again, Dad's an arrogant asshole. He's male, and he's pretty hung up on looks. Always has been. He doesn't like the extra weight, nor does he understand how anyone else can like it. I think that's part of why he doesn't understand my relationship with Niki. If she were attractive by his standards he could...but how can I explain that it doesn't matter to me what she looks like? That anyone really looks like beause that's just not who I am. That even an ugly face (and she's far from ugly) can be beautiful if looked at with love. Niki's gorgeous...her eyes ever changing, that dimple on the one side of her mouth, her mouth! (I love watching her talk because of the way it moves), her hands so womanly compared to mine, and of course...the bits she would be appalled to see me talk about online. But so much more than any of that, she loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is. We both have our obsessions, mine sex and hers fanfiction. It just hurts that I don't know how to explain it to him, that one of the most important things in my life my dad doesn't understand. *sighs*

PARENTAL GROSSNESS OVER

I didn't mean to rant about them. Oops. I was supposed to be all melancholy about time.

With the new name, I shall try to be more like it in name, and bring joie to you all. Now...to go figure out how to do this cut thingie...and to make profiles for the rp. *smiles fondly*